Mission Hot Seat Red Coat
by Aria Eragon
Summary: "He settled back into his shadows with content. It was good to be a dark lor- I mean, kitchen mafia boss."


A/N: A little background information- my friends and I found a superhero name generator, and decided to create little stories for each of the names we found. One of my friends decided to make a small short about the Angry Lobster, and so I followed up with Alpha Oyster. You can find a link to the generator on my author's page

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. Literally nothing. I'm homeless.

ACTUAL DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter, Ratatouille, or any other movie/story I referenced and forgot. I also do not own the Angry Lobster, as that is a creation of my senpai. I do, however, own a house (yes, I lied earlier. No, it won't happen again. Yes, I cleaned my room, Mom), and I also own this one-shot and Agent Oyster.

_The lobster is angry. It boils a furious shade of scarlet-red rage, raging at the state of the modern society. The chef is a pawn of the capitalist state. The lobster is served in a four-course meal to greedy captains of industry. The Angry Lobster was not angry enough._

The Angry Lobster flailed as it was pushed into the boiling pot. "Finally! That lobster should mind its own damn business next time."

The crab scurried under chefs, kitchen workers with rats under their hats, and janitors to reach the storage room. He knew there would be similar consequences if he didn't move fast enough to report. Moving swiftly through the shadows, he reached The Corner, where The Boss held The Meetings.

"Well Wormtai- I mean, Agent Crabtivating? Report."

"Mission Hot Seat Red Coat complete in T-4...3...2...1."

The outside doors slammed open with a bang as the main dish was wheeled out.

"Good job, Agent Crabtivating."

"Anything for you, Alpha Oyster."

Alpha Oyster settled back into his shadows with content. It was good to be a dark lor- I mean, kitchen mafia boss.

"Harry?"

"Yes, 'Mione?" Harry managed to ask through his food. It had definitely been a good idea to come to this new restaurant, especially with Teddy and Victoire marrying a few hours ago. He had had his doubts, as he was British and this place was most certainly French, but the lobster was divine and-

"Did you ever find out what happened to that last Horcrux?"

Harry immediately snapped out of his thoughts and sobered, remembering the Second War and the mutually assured destruction between Tom and himself. Six of the Horcruxes had been destroyed in their adventures: the diary, the ring, the locket, the cup, the diadem, and Nagini, but Slughorn's memories caused them to suspect the existence of one more. Dumbledore had initially expected Harry to be an accidental horcrux, as his painting later admitted, but that proved not to be the case. With further research, it was discovered that if the infamous scar was a Horcrux, Harry would have been taken over by the dark magic long ago. They had pushed all thoughts of Horcruxes to the side when it was heard that the Unspeakables had managed to create the impossible.

The Unspeakables, with the help of Hermione, had managed to create a curse that blocked Voldemort from his remaining horcruxes, and once the ex-Dark Lord was hit, he was immediately killed at point-blank range with a Muggle shotgun. The irony of that caused it to be a very Patronus-worthy memory.

However, they never did find that last Horcrux.

Harry shrugged. "Well, wherever it is, it can't do any damage now. It's not even technically Voldemort anymore. Just a shred of his personality in some unknown object, not really a soul." Harry shook his head, trying to clear away the bad memories. "Anyways, the third dish is here. We should be enjoying Teddy and Victoire's wedding, not worrying over some stupid object of our past."

This attracted Ron's attention away from his dinner. "Oh good! I love oyster!"

Hermione shook her head in dismay, sighing. "Ron, you'll eat anything put in front of you."

"That's because it's all delicious! Though that lobster was oddly spicy. Almost as if it was...angry tasting."

"Ron! There's no way a lobster can taste 'angry'. Foods can't have emotions!"

"Just because you claim I don't have the 'emotional range of a teaspoon', it doesn't mean I can't appreciate good food! Unlike some bookworms I know!"

Hermione gasped in anger and shock. "Ron! How dare you-"

Harry tuned out their argument. After a while, it got very repetitive, and he had delicious oyster to see to.

"Hmmm... maybe Ron is right," Harry thought, "This oyster does taste a little like... revenge.

And so Harry Potter, Chosen One, Undesirable Number One, Boy-Who-Lived, Man-Who-Managed-To-Marry-A-Girl-In-The-Presence-Of-Her-Six-Older-Brothers, and so forth, conquered the Dark Lord with this mysterious "power he knows not". The power to enjoy all food, even French.


End file.
